hmmmmmmmmmm

To start out with. I am so glad Sanjaya was voted off AI tonight. I felt sorta bad for the kid. I hope he had a great time. Now the real contest begins.

Faith--do I have enough? Somedays it seems that our faith is tried more than others. This is one of those days. Do I have enough? I need to not only for myself but for my kids. I know the church is true. I truly do. Why I let people in the church kick me in the bum I don't know. For example--we want to take our non-member neighbors on a Harley ride through Zion with some friends from Denver. They are riding with a group that calls themselves Temple Bikers. These people took our friends to lunch to let them know they only wanted 5 bikes to go. Ours would be 6 and 7. What was their name again? Oh ya "Temple Bikers" hmmmmmmmmm. They don't want the non-members to go. I thought it was the more the merrier. These non-members let us join their group without even a sigh. hmmmmmmmmm Who is more Christ like? Why do I let members kick me when I have missionaries going out? Or when someone in my family is sick or afflicted in anyway. hmmmmmmm Or why do I do something that I think is right and get a lecture for it? Seems like I was following the outline of the church and the order of things and I come off the bad guy. hmmmmmmmmmmm? My Sarah knows what I am talking about. I will never stop going to church because the gospel is true but...hmmmmmmmmmm.... Do I have enough of what it takes to keep getting kicked, I guess I do? Sometimes I think if it were for the poeple in the church I wouldn't go, I go because the gospel is true. I hope I have never offended anyone, if so I am sorry for it. I don't mean to and if I have they should tell me so I can make it right. I don't know why I wrote this but I am sure there are others who feel this at times in their lives. hmmmmm.

On a happier note Sarah brought my grandkids over yesterday. They are the cutest. Someone told me tonight at a party I was at tonight that grandkids are our reward for not killing our children. hmmmmmmmm. Could be true. I have a great life 9 of the best children ever. 2 of the best grandkids. I have my parents still here. I have the best husband who as a friend put it "his only desire is to make me happy". I have two missionaries out which is soooo fun. One comes home soon. One leaves soon also (I hope). hmmmmmmmm Life couldn't be better.

I hope all my kids keep their journals. I started them from the time they were conceived. Like mommy doesn't know I am here yet. etc... I have had a great time this last couple of weeks going back and reading mine. hmmmmmm The things our minds forget. How quickly we remember when we read. Life is great. I really wonder how I lived through Tim. What a boy he was. Such a loving and spiritual kid too. What a man he has grown to be but so misunderstood all my boys are by others not me. hmmmmmmmmm lololololololol Kids come to this world with such different personalities and characteristics and we can change them. I used to argue that but I don't anymore. We can try to guide them but they are who they are. I love them all. hmmmmmmm yeah all of them.